God, what is happening? What have I done wrong? Have I wandered off course?
These questions bombarded my mind as I pondered the current state of my life, which felt like it was falling apart. It was 2016 and I was struggling with feelings of rejection, anxiety, and depression. My business was in debt. I was still single (with no prospects) and about to turn 30 years old. I felt stuck and isolated as my friends celebrated weddings and baby showers and received book deals and grad school diplomas. I felt like a failure and the more I tried to change my circumstances, the worse off they became.
Change came the moment I surrendered my deepest desires to the Lord. This doesn’t mean I gave up on my dreams—it means I relinquished the need to be in control of them. I shifted from doing things my own way and trusted God to do things His way. From this vantage point, I no longer felt like I was being buried alive—I was being planted.
Anyone who is serious about following God’s plan for their life will experience seasons where it feels like your dream is dying or even dead. At this juncture, we discover where our trust is placed—in God or ourselves?